'Keep Your Laws Off My Body'

NOTE: ADAM AND I HAVE GANGED UP ON THIS POST.

JESSE:

What are you yawning about?

Aren't you supposed to be dead?

'Keep your laws off my body.' What a fucking asshead slogan that is. I guess that means I can ignore those fucking stupid seatbelt laws that you morons insisted on. I think you liberals may have the coat hangers in the wrong orfice again. Before I get into the first trimester of this post, I have to warn you slow-witted jerkoffs that I am not against abortion in all cases. I believe it is a viable option under circumstances of rape and incest. With that said, let the ramming and sucking begin!
Abortion is being used as an escape from responsibility. Not all cases, but most. I have had the misfortune of having met HUNDREDS of women who have had the procedure done out of convenience. You see, I spent several years working directy for OB/GYN physicians at a very large hospital here in the northeast. Being present for hundreds of these procedures, I know exactly how it's done. My favorite part is when they piece the fetus back together on a table like a puzzle to make sure they got everything. I'm good at puzzles.
As a member of the hospital staff, I was privy to all sorts of confidential information. OB surgeons, when on a first name basis with you, like to share such information when the patient is either out of earshot or under anesthesia. The physicians themselves would estimate the rate of abortions done out of sheer irresponsibility and/or lack of planning was up near 90%. And before you get redfaced and call me a liar, just remember that I am passing on comments of ten or so physicians that have no reason to make that up. It makes me frustrated that these patients can use that as a reason to terminate a pregnancy. Of course, due to Hipaa Confidentiality laws, I am not able to give you the patients' names, phone numbers, or addresses, though I would love to.

What I mean when I say irresponsibility/lack of planning, I don't just mean that the women who get pregnant and abort are fithy pieces of shit, I incriminate the men as well. We both know that there are tons of guys that accidently knock up random whores they meet at the bar, and then plead with the whore to get an abortion. It usually works. These guys, well, they should be executed on the day of the abortion. Now that I think about it, we could pass legislation that punishes frivilous abortions in a very effective way. When they think they are in the physician's office for the abortion appointment, instead of leading them to the surgical suite, they get led to a huge concrete vault where huge guys with sledgehammers smash the living snot out of them. When their skulls are finally crushed to a fine pulp, a switch is thrown and their carcasses are sucked through an enormous wind tunnel and shot out into space. We have control of the House and the Senate, right? I'll call my congressman.

It comes down to that diabolical phrase that liberals cringe at: personal responsibility. If you're worried about your enormous weiner breaking out of the condom like the Incredible Hulk, don't have intercourse unless you can take on a child. If you are afraid of contraceptive failure rates, remember that abstinence works 100% of the time. I know it's discouraging that you are being told not to be whores, but hey, sometimes the medicine tastes bad.

Do I need to get into the whole adoption thing? Good, because I'm already getting sick of stating the obvious.

The whole 'if you are against abortion, don't have one' slogan is just as shitty. I'm also against arson. I won't torch your house, but if some crazy pyro does and I see it, I guess I shouldn't interfere then, huh. You liberals, you need to sit down and write some better catchphrases. Maybe ones that have substance.




ADAM:

Excellent point. Yes I take this personally because I’ve dealt with this, but my stance is so ridiculously improbable that I have to stand by it as well. You might have read one of my previous posts where I mentioned “were fucking crazy to make shit normal”. I feel that in order to come to a feasible compromise, there needs to be some ‘way out there’ conclusions. I understand some medical problems may deem it necessary to bring about aborting a fetus. I can deal with that. Other than that, I have gone absolutely insane on the points of personal responsibility. There’s plenty of forms of birth control, and obviously abstinence. We’ve all heard and understood that.

This is where you come in and say “what if some chick is raped”? Well, I would probably say that you should’ve had a better judge of character to know that you never should’ve gotten involved with your shady ex-boyfriend. Or, you thought you knew the guy who you met in the Tim Horton’s parking at 3 am. Oh, you probably shouldn’t have been walking through that part of town shit faced at that hour as well. And why the fuck were you alone anyway? And why didn’t you lock your door? And why the hell did you answer your phone?

fuckin mongaloid! motherfuckin abort!

If you think that most abortions are caused by rape, at some completely uncontrollable rank, you’re probably retarded. Some do, but it’s such a ridiculously small percentage that it doesn’t even justify giving abortions with such ease at this height of a national level. In a country where everyone is a victim and everyone likes to place blame, even myself, there’s some issues that you just can not be a dildo about. I fell if everyone took some ‘responsibility for their actions’, and a devastating situation like this did occur, I’m so sure public response would be overwhelmingly positive, or in the victims favor if you understand that better. When I say positive response, I mean things like toughing out a birthing process…and if you decide you can’t care for the child in your present conditions, That child would most likely be taken care of through adoption and go to a very capable family, and quickly. Or maybe by the time you have the kid, you might have a change a heart.

Yeah, fuck me. I’m a softy. This shit will never happen because it “puts restrictions on the human spirit” or some shit, right? I know life isn’t raining rose petals and growing gum drops. On the other hand, if I give in, there becomes no sense of balance and everything spins into chaos. And besides, we all know its wrong.